The Talk Dialogues
by Lakshyarahita
Summary: When the younger members of the Flock ask questions about some of life's facts, how do the older Flock members respond? You've really got to pity them, those poor, innocent things....
1. Iggy, Gazzy, and The Stork

Disclaimer: Don't own. If I owned Iggy, I would duct-tape him into a tutu….And I would adopt Gazzy, because he doesn't get enough love. ^_^

* * *

'Hey, Ig?'

'Yeah?'

'Where do babies come from?'

'Uh....why don't you ask Max?'

'I did, but she told me to go to Fang.'

'Oh...and what did Fang say?'

'Well, he sorta shuddered and sent me to you.'

'Ah, I see...-mumble- damn you Fang...'

'So?'

'Er, so what?'

'Where do babies come from?'

'Well, Gaz.....uh......'

'Come on, Iggy! Tell me!'

'Well, when two people love each other very very much, they....uh....'

'They what?'

'They, uh....'

'They WHAT?!'

'They........uh, send a letter to the Stork!'

'......What the heck? A stork?'

'Uh, yeah! Not just _any_ stork, The Stork! Yep, that's it! Now, why don't run along now and let me try to erase this conversation from my memory....'

'Uh, okay, Iggy, you do that....'

'...Gazzy? I'm blind, remember?'

'Oh! Sorry, Ig, i was giving you a weird look.'

'Ah, okay.'

'....'

'Hey Nudge!!! I know something you don't know!!!'

'.....thank god _that's _over....'

* * *

R&R Please! And tell me which two you want next. -mumble- Now, where did I put that tutu.....


	2. Fang, Angel, and Creative Dismemberment

Disclaimer: Don't own. If I did, I would be Fang's little sister. You know, the kind of little sister who would burst into dramatically _fake_ tears, and (if that doesn't work), make Fang give me want I wanted by threatened to tell Max he was gay with Iggy.

…If I really was Fang's little sister, I'd feel kinda sorry for the poor guy….

* * *

'Hey Fang!'

'Morning, Angel.'

'So, Fang….'

'…?'

'When are you planning to get Max pregnant?'

'-chokes on water-'

'FANG!!! Fang, are you okay?!'

'…yeah, I'm fine….'

_God, if you exist, please don't let her remember her question._

'Fang, answer my question! I'm not gonna forget, no matter what Big G does!'

_You suck, God……wait-_

'Big G? Angel….'

'Well, everyone always spells God with a capital G, so….'

'Ah…I see….'

'So anyways, Fang, when are you planning to get Max pregnant?'

'Uh, not anytime soon, Angel...'

'Aw….'

'Why?'

'Because me and Iggy and Nudge and Gazzy were gonna bet on whether your baby's gonna be a girl or a boy….'

'Oh…I'm, uh, sorry?'

'So _why_ aren't you gonna get Max pregnant?'

'…Because she would kill me.'

'I don't think she will, Fang, and I'm the mind-reader.'

'….'

_WHAT THE HEL- Angel, get out of my mind._

'…Fine, be that way! I'll be in my room when you come to apologize.'

'…uh, okay?'

'See you soon, Fang!'

'…'

'-leaves-'

'-mumble- …Max…pregnant…no creative dismemberment…hmm…..'

* * *

[couple minutes later]

* * *

'Morning, Fang.'

'Hey Max….'

'Um, Fang? Why is your face red? Do you feel sick or something?'

'No...I don't think we _can_ get sick, actually, being genetically modified and all.'

'…Don't say stuff like that. Whoever arranged my fate and gave me all this stress will give your kids the flu so he can laugh at you and the irony.'

'…Max?'

'…Sorry, the Voice has just been really annoying lately.'

'…Ah.'

'It wants us to invest in beach-front property.'

'….hmm.'

'Shut UP, Voice! He said '…hmm'! That doesn't' mean he agreed! …Wait, what? What's _that_ supposed to mean?!'

'-mumble- my kids…._our_ kids…..'

'God, Voice, do you exist just to stress me out- Whoa, Fang, you sure you're okay? You've gone all red again….'

'I'm…fine. I'll be in my room.'

'Um, alright….'

'-leaves-'

_Jeez, Voice, I think one little thought about how Fang would be a good father, and now you're telling me to get married to him in New Hampshire and honeymoon on a Hawaiian beach!_

_**Fine Max, don't listen to me. Just don't get mad when I say 'I told you so.'**_

…_and either way, I'd need parental consent.

* * *

_

Whoa, that was a lot longer than the other one….And I sorta went off topic. Um, oops? Well, Fang got lucky, Angel didn't ask him _how_ he'd get Max pregnant….R&R! (Oh, and if you didn't get the last bit, you apparently can get married underage in New Hampshire if you have parental consent.)

Fang: So……Dr.M…..

Dr. M: Yes, Fang?

Fang: -thinks: _Can I steal your daughter's virginity? – _Um, nevermind….


	3. Max, Nudge, and Tampons

Disclaimer: Don't own. If I did, I would, I dunno, teach Nudge to be focused, then make her the Debate Club prez. Admit it; if that girl could stay on topic, she would pwn the world!!! You can't stand against the power of focused ramblings.

Graci for the reviews!!! I feel _loved._ I was originally planning for Nudge to be in her period, but there's only so many times Nudge can think she's expiring……..BTW, I'm a girl, so I have full rights to talk about this stuff. Not that you can't if you're a guy, but you know…..

* * *

'Goooooood Morning, Max!'

'…Nudge, it's nearly noon.'

'Oh, well then, gooooooood almost-noon, Max!'

'Um, good almost-noon to you too, sweetie.'

'Hey, Max, do you use pads or tampons?'

'Um, Nudge…sweetie…where the heck did _that_ come from!?'

'Because when we were at school – normal school, not The School- I had a human growth and development class and the teacher said that to soak up the blood, which is issued from the female body due to-'

'Tampons, Nudge.'

'-natural human occurrences, - Tampons? Really?'

'Um…yeah….'

'Oh, okay. Can I borrow some?'

'What? Why?'

'…no reason.'

'You haven't started your, um, you know….'

'Ew, NO! I don't need to _use_ them yet, I just wanna be prepared.'

'….uh-huh.'

'Plus, I can use them to scare Gazzy! Because whenever I say something, he's all like, 'Ohmygosh, stop lying!' 'cept, you know, he doesn't go all OMG since he's a guy and guys don't like going OMG which I don't really get because it's _really_ fun to say, you know? Like, OMG, OMG, OMG-'

'What does this have to do with tampons, exactly?'

'-OMG, OM- What? Oh. SO whenever he starts being mean and stuff, I'll wave my tampons in his face and be all like, 'Don't MESS with me when I'm using THESE!!!' and he'll get really grossed out and leave me alone.'

'…Nudge?'

'Yeah?'

'The scary thing is, that would actually work….'

'I know, right? I only thought of it 'cause that time when Iggy blew up your favorite sneakers and you got really mad and started yelling at him – I don't blame you, by the way, those shoes, were, like, _super_-cute – he started sulking in his room and asked Fang how he could've fallen in love with a girl who was constantly PMSing, and Fang was all like, 'You get used to it.' And Gazzy was there and was all 'What's PMSing?' and Iggy and Fang went 'Uh…..we'll tell you when you're older, Gaz' and Gazzy went all 'EWWW, that must be girly stuff!!!' and ran away.'

'….-processes information- Wait, let me get this straight-'

'Go step-by-step, it makes life easier.'

'Um….okay? Well them, 1. Iggy said I was PMSing after I yelled at him for blowing up my last pair of good shoes…and they were cute, weren't they?'

'TOTALLY!!! …If that's one, then what's two?'

'2. Fang agreed that I was PMSing, and 3. Gazzy can be scared away by mentioning girly stuff.'

'Duh, that's why I'm borrowing your tampons!!!'

'…right. So, that means I'll have a good reason to yell at them…oh, _IGGY!!!! FANG!!!!_'

'But Fang said he loves you! Well, not directly, but you know, he's the father of your children!!!'

'…Nudge, sweetie, I'm _not_ pregnant.'

'Oh, yeah….then he's the father of your future still-unborn children!!!'

'Well, that is a good point…hmm. How 'bout I yell at him for, say, 10-15 minutes, then let him watch while I yell at Iggy for the rest of the hour?'

'That's sounds great!!! Can I watch? …Wait, what are you yelling at them for?'

'Um…I know! Your favorite watch is missing, and we'll blame Iggy and Fang for that.'

'My favorite watch? You mean that pink one you got me for, like, ten dollars? The really cute one?'

'Yep. Now go hide it!'

'Aye-aye, cap'n!'

'_OHHHHHH IGGY!!!!!!!! FAAAAAAAANG!!!!! WHERE ARE YOUUUUUUUU???_'

* * *

[somewhere by a tree]

* * *

'Iggy, Max is calling.'

'I know, man, I know.'

'…I'm scared.'

'Why?'

'…For the same reason you're trying to hide in the tree.'

'I'm not scared! It's just….'

'Just what?'

'Well, whenever Max uses _that_ voice, she's gonna yell at us for an hour or so about something we didn't do…and then do evil, evil things and say we deserved it.'

'-snicker- By evil, evil things, are you talking about the time she dyed all your clothes pink and didn't tell you?'

'Shut up, Fang….I wore that to school!!!'

'…my point exactly.'

'So, are we gonna run away?'

'No.'

'What? Why not?'

'…because she yells at you more than she yells at me, and it's fun to watch. Come on, Ig. –starts pulling him out of the tree-'

'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! FANG'S GONE TO THE DARK SIDE!!! NOOOOOOO-'

'-is pulling Iggy across the lawn- …dude, there's a reason I wear black.'

'-OOOOO!!!!!! Wait, Fang are you serious?'

'-nods- Oh. I just nodded, Ig.'

'Holy shit, I'm surrounded by crazy people. I'm moving to Canada!!!! Wait, is this the doorway? NO! Wait! Don't take me to Max!!! She's gonna eat me!!! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!'

* * *

…….lol. By the way, Iggy was being dragged across the lawn, and he felt the doorway and stuff, so…yeah. Heheh, go Max! If she seems out-f-character, it's 'cause she's in her period. Personally, I think that Max would act like this if she was in her period and bored and not in danger…Damn, I got really off topic. Doesn't the summary say this is about the facts of life? Meh, oh well.

I _was_ gonna end it here, but then I realized I'd left out Total!!! And Omega!!!! (Because if Eggs-chan regained his emotions, etc he wouldn't know a thing about the facts of life!!!!)

BTW, Omega is that stuff in eggs (I think), so I call him Eggs inside my head.


	4. Bonus Chapter! Total and Angel

Disclaimer: Don't own. If I did, I'd spend all day telling Total that he's wrong, especially when he's actually right.

* * *

'Hey, Total?'

'Oui, Angel? Do you finally want to pursue the fine arts?'

'Uh…I'll get back to you on that….anyways, what's' rape'?'

'………'

'…Total? Are you okay? Your mind just went blank….'

'Eheheh….why do you want to know, Angel?'

'Because I thought-told Iggy to stop teasing Max and Fang, since they were finally together and it took them like _forever_, and then Iggy was all 'OMG, I feel mind raped'. '

'Well, Angel, um….rape is when you violate someone, like how you violated Iggy's privacy! Yes, that's it! Dictionary definition!!!'

'Oh…okay, that makes sense.'

'-mumble- thank God.'

'But, Total, rape is just violating people, right? And you know, people's minds and privacy and stuff….'

'Uh, yeah.... '

'So why do you keep thinking about dark alleyways and creepy guys in trench coats?'

'Uh, well, um......ANGEL! STOP VIOLATING MY MIND!!!'

* * *

Lol, way to avoid the question, Total…. Sorry for not including Omega, but there's not much you can do with him except for:

'Hey, Omega!'

'Yes?'

'-waves hand-'

'-tries to watch hand-'

'How many fingers am I holding up?'

'Um….one……point five……and a quarter."

"No, the answer's three! You're wrong!"

'NOOO!!!! I'M A FAILURE!!!!! -faints-'

Um, sorry about that….. Omega would need a oneshot, not a dialogue……

Sorry-sorry-sorry for updating so late!!! I'll make it up to you – I'll give everybody Fang and Iggy dolls!!! (or a Max doll, for guys. Or girls. For anybody, really.)

Okay, I'm gonna stop rambling now.....I love you guys!!! ^ ^


End file.
